Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
