Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
