i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
