don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
people are starting to question the shark bite story
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
