this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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