peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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