If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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