so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Welp...herpes.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
