she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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