i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
