I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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