quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
