Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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