It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
