eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
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The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
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Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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