she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
