Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.