I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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