it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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