I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
her vagine was all disorganized.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
