Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
