Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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