I accidentally had phone sex last night
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
