life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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