the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Never underestimate the power of titties
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