Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
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I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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