Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Houston, we have a squirter
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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