smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
