i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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