also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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