I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
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Hippo gnu deer
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
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If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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