Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
