shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So vagazzling was a success
jump out the window naked night went bad
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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