im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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