and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
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I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
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Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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