yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
