Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
