Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
