i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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