Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
did i just pee glitter
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
