I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
