I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
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i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
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Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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