Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize