like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
