The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
