just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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