You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
