you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I don't deserve a penis
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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