I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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