I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
