Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
