He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm going to jail i love you
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
