i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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