If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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