it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Randomize
