Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
