Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
