He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
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Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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