Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
honey bunches of taint.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Randomize
