In the future we'll all be gay
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
