i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize